Angol humor – viccgyűjtemény
I am
The English teacher says, "Mary, I'd like you to give me a sentence beginning with 'I', please."
Mary thinks for a few seconds and then says, "I is..."
The teacher interrupts her, "No Mary, you cannot begin a sentence with 'I is' - you must use 'I am'."
"But Miss..." Mary tries to say.
The teacher shouts, "Give me a sentence beginning with 'I am', please."
Mary shruggs her shoulders and says, "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Double positive
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
Wrong way
An old man called Albert was driving down the M4 motorway, when suddenly his mobile phone rang. It was his wife.
She said, "Albert, listen to me. I've just heard on the news that there's an idiot driving his car the wrong way down the motorway. So, please drive carefully, do you hear me?"
"OK dear," said Albert. "I'll try. But it's not just one car. There are hundrends of them!"
Vegetables
Margaret Thatcher is out to dinner with her cabinet. The waiter asks her what she would like.
"I'll have a steak," she says.
"How would you like it?"
"Rare, please."
"Yes," says the waiter. "What about the vegetables?"
"Oh, they'll have the same," Mrs. Thatcher replies, looking at her cabinet colleagues.
Penguin
A man was walking along Hietzinger Hauptstrasse near Parkhotel Schönbrunn when he found a penguin walking along the road. So he picked it up and took it to the local police station.
He said to the policeman, "I found this penguin on Hietzinger Hauptstrasse, near Parkhotel Schönbrunn. What should I do with it?"
The policeman looked at the man and said, "It's obvious what you should do with it! Take the penguin to Schönbrunn Zoo."
"Of course, I'll take it to the zoo," the man said and he left the police station with the penguin under his arm.
The next day the policeman was on duty in the city centre when he saw the man walking along the street with the penguin by his side. The policeman stopped the man and said, "I thought I told you to take the penguin to the zoo?"
The man replied, "Yes, I took it to the zoo yesterday. Today I'm taking it to see the Opera House."
