Angol humor – viccgyűjtemény
Eats, shoots and leaves
A panda walks into a café. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and proceeds to fire it at the other patrons.
'Why?' asks the confused, surviving waiter amidst the carnage, as the panda makes towards the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder.
'Well, I'm a panda,' he says, at the door. 'Look it up.'
The waiter turns to the relevant entry in the manual and, sure enough, finds an explanation. 'Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.'
One with everything
The Dalai Lama walks into a pizza shop and says, "Can you make me one with everything?"
Alaska
1st Eskimo: Where did your mother come from?
2nd Eskimo: Alaska.
1st Eskimo: Don't bother, I'll ask her myself!
Science lecture
A famous scientist was on his way to a lecture in yet another university when his chauffeur offered an idea.
"Hey, boss, I've heard your speech so many times I bet I could deliver it and give you the night off."
"Sounds great," the scientist said. When they got to the auditorium, the scientist put on the chauffeur's hat and settled into the back row. The chauffeur walked to the lectern and delivered the speech. Afterward he asked if there were any questions.
"Yes," said one professor. Then he launched into a highly technical question. The chauffeur was panic stricken for a moment but quickly recovered.
"That's an easy one," he replied. "In fact, it's so easy, I'm going to let my chauffeur answer it!"
Afraid of Santa Claus?
Question: What do you call someone who is afraid of Santa Claus?
Answer: Claustrophobic.
